[OT...?] Warning! Chaos invasion approaching!!!

From: AntiChrist <seimejote_at_...> <seimejote_at_...>
Date: Tue, 17 Dec 2002 21:45:30 -0000

Found on the web... =)

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Repetition of General Directive 264-A-XCIV

To: Distribution, Sectorium Primus
From: Office of The Grand Inquisitor, Ebineezar Grinchanius
Re: Yearly Chaos Incursion

This purpose of this notice is to remind the forgetful of the annual
visitation by the minion of Chaos known to the unworthy as Santa
Claus.

+++ The Emperor's Light Banishes the Shadows of Heresy +++

As the diligent will recall, the incursion occurs regularly every
8742
to 8766 terran hours, roughly corresponding to a terran year. This
trespass has occurred with disturbing regularity since at least the
Horus
Heresy, and perhaps longer, as many records were misplaced.

+++ Love and Obey the Emperor +++

The faithful will recognize the target on sight, as his garb and gear
mark him immediately as an agent of the abominations.

Santa Claus is a corpulent, bloated creature approximating the human
form. It wears a crimson tunic the color of fresh blood, marking him
as a
possible follower of Khorne. It is bearded, mocking the honorable
squats, and its hair is a sallow shade of gray, betraying its
unnatural age.
Be advised that despite the creatures fearsome name, no claws have
been
observed, and the former is likely a ruse.

The target has been observed in the company of smaller creatures
having
the appearance of thin (less than 30 kg, approx.), stunted (1.5
meters)
humanoids with pointed ears. Their appearance suggests the
involvement
of the decadent Eldar, and although that race denies involvement
(*reference the Rudolphian Campaign [index 4111-BGE-MMXCII-Primus],
specifically the Battle of Yukon Coneliaus IV [ibid., index 6]*),
agents are
advised to be prepared for their involvement, as the Eldar are known
for
their deceitful ways.

Santa Claus is conveyed by means of a grav-sled powered by unnatural
livestock as detailed below.

The target's vehicle is a grav-sled. It has superfluous runners which
are used only on landing and take-off. Despite the appearance, no
frozen
water is necessary for its operation (another ruse). The vehicle's
resemblance to the foul Palanquin of Nurgle should not be discounted,
even
though the colors continue to be reminiscent of Khorne.

The device is powered by the unholy ministrations of eight or nine
quadrupeds. Ordo Malleus scholars have identified these creatures as
warped
versions of an extinct species of terran mammal known as a Moose
(reference 900002-ER-CIV). These beings single-mindedly pull the
target's
vehicle during its yearly invasion. They are outfitted with belled
harnesses which are apparently imbued with the ability of flight.
These beasts
have been likened to the Fiends of Slaanesh, and such a comparison
should not be dismissed too lightly, as the creatures shed a luminous
substance as effluent as they move. Inquisitors should take care to
avoid
exposure.

Perhaps more disturbing is the variable number of the minion-
creatures.
On occasion, a ninth Moose has been observed, placed before the other
Mooses. This creature radiates a sickly reddish glow from its snout,
as
a psychic beacon to other followers of the Vile Ones. This Chaotic
device has allowed the target to navigate despite our best efforts to
jam
its navigation systems.

+++ Blessed is the Virtue of Blind Faith +++

Santa Claus gains entry to the domiciles of loyal Imperial Citizens
(see
below) and leaves small Chaos Rewards to tempt the faithful.

Inquisitors are reminded to confiscate and incinerate these items
before any lasting damage is done. As a localized temporal distortion
field
is in effect around the target, these items are secreted in the
habitations of the Imperium at exactly 2400 hours in every location
defiled by
the creature. It is therefore possible to gain entry to the citizens'
cretches and remove the items (often cunningly hidden in footwear)
before the citizens are aware of the heresy that has been committed
upon
them.

In other cases, removal of the items after the citizens have
discovered
them is possible. In such situations, small children are occasionally
loath to surrender the items, as the tainting of the juveniles has
already begun. Executions of the above are to be handled in the most
expedient manner possible.

Often, juveniles that are well within the Emperor's Grace are given
small blocks of graphite ore rather than the more tempting gifts
visited
upon the less faithful. The identity of these individuals are to be
recorded, as future recruitment into the Inquisition or Adeptus Terra
is
possible. [Note: Inquisitors or other agents who do *not* receive the
graphite stones should be watched carefully]

Santa Claus enters the domiciles be way of heating ducts and waste
vents. The size of the opening is not a factor, as the creature can
adjust
its mass and displacement by means of psychic manipulation. Mining
these openings with frag, krak and other demolitions has proven
unsuccessful.

The creature egresses by the same means, after ritually caressing his
nostrils. No mucus has ever been recovered.

+++ The Death of Emperor's Enemies is the Only Gift We Can Give +++

Although all previous attempts at the destruction of Santa Claus have
failed, Inquisitors are urged to make such an attempt whenever
possible.

However, of more importance is the suppression of cultist activity
associated with the yearly incursion. The Tainted have been known to
erect
shrines in their homes in the form of shrubbery adorned with baubles
and lights [Note: the shrubbery is often highly inflammable, and
offers a
discrete method of executing the offending heretics without calling
undue attention to the operation]. Other warning signs include:
hallucinations involving sugared candies during slumber; excessive
singing;
references to 'A magical time of year' (note the influence of
Tzeentch); the
construction of effigies made of snow; and the performance of
Slaanishi
rituals while underneath plant clippings of the genus _phoradendron
flavescens_.

Once again, executions should be handled in an expedient manner.

End Transmission.....

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Received on Tue Dec 17 2002 - 21:45:30 UTC