Glad you liked it. It was cut from
http://members.tripod.com/J_EAT/Introduction.htm
It is a site for anything dwarfish WHF Old World.
Eivind
>
> Fra: "Peter Ramos" <primarch_at_...>
> Dato: 2002/08/16 Fri PM 01:59:59 CEST
> Til: <netepic_at_yahoogroups.com>
> Emne: RE: [NetEpic ML] OT 101 ways to confuse your opponent.
>
> Hi!
>
> Now that's funny! Where did you get these?
>
> Peter
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: eivind.borgeteien_at_... [mailto:eivind.borgeteien@...]
> Sent: Friday, August 16, 2002 5:43 AM
> To: netepic_at_yahoogroups.com
> Subject: [NetEpic ML] OT 101 ways to confuse your opponent.
>
> Hi! Im not sure wether this has been posted before, but it is quiet on
> the list so I take my chances. Here you go!
>
>
>
> 101 Ways to confuse your opponent
>
>
> 1. Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best
> course of action.
>
> 2. Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Everytime a model dies,
> escort it off the battlefield and give it
> model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
>
> 3. Bring a falsified rulebook ( hours of fun ).
>
> 4. Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a
> lot.
>
> 5. Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome,
> claim that you have won the game. Look
> upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.
>
> 6. Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses.
> Refuse to let your opponent look at them.
> Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone
> there, so contigency plan 8a means
> that I should..."
>
> 7. Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your
> opponent if you get any bad rolls.
>
> 8. Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your
> opponent dramatically.
>
> 9. Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other
> side of the table. Act as if you are
> expecting to play with your opponent's army.
>
> 10. Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball
> bearings.
>
> 11. Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he
> refuses, claim you have won the game
> through his forfeit.
>
> 12. Play dead if your general dies.
>
> 13. Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously
> on your side of the table. Make cryptic
> references to the power of lascannon in WHFB.
>
> 14. Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.
>
> 15. Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game.
> Incessantly.
>
> 16. Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain
> that its his birthday.
>
> 17. Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".
>
> 18. Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a
> craft knife.
>
> 19. Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos
> for a "battle report."
>
> 20. Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife.
> Grin widely.
>
> 21. Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"
>
> 22. State before the game that you are playing for the title of the
> champion of the universe.
>
> 23. Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew
> him well."
>
> 24. Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.
>
> 25. Add sound FX. Kaboom!
>
> 26. Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.
>
> 27. Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment
> your opponent!
>
> 28. Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our
> forests. Refuse to let him kill your
> treeman. Refuse to let him move through woods.
>
> 29. Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy
> van.
>
> 30. Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.
>
> 31. Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick
> march, on the double- hut!"
>
> 32. Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small
> spherical device. Give no other reasons.
>
> 33. Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde
> of admirers to cheer you on.
>
> 34. Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.
>
> 35. Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your
> troops if they fail to salute you.
>
> 36. Cheer on your miniatures.
>
> 37. Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent
> drag you out. Speak in a nervous
> whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.
>
> 38. Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your
> opponent starts to read it, but leave it
> visible.
>
> 39. Pull out an ace surreptiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve
> during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to
> play it.
>
> 40. Keep a deck of M:tG cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic
> phase" bring out the cards and start to
> shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.
>
> 41. Speak in skaven. Neek- Neek!
>
> 42. Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the
> uselessness of modern technology when you
> start to roll ones.
>
> 43. Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at
> your opponent accusingly if they don't
> immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.
>
> 44. Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going
> to play. If he says warhammer, bring
> out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.
>
> 45. Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.
>
> 46. Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At
> the end of your deployment, use a small
> explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard
> behind it while you yell, "poof!". When
> the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"
>
> 47. Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.
>
> 48. Poor cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is
> cheesy.
>
> 49. Come with an army painted completely fluoro purple. Wear dark
> glasses.
>
> 50. Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if
> your opponent looks at you questioningly.
> Deny everything.
>
> 51. Ask if he has a license to drive that steam tank.
>
> 52. Make your opponent take a stupidity test. Refuse to let him do
> anything if he fails it.
>
> 53. Stare deep into his eyes. Use hypnosis to convince him he is a
> chicken. You may revert him back to normal
> at the end of the game.
>
> 54. Paint all your miniatures naked. Complain about their dirty habits.
>
> 55. At the start of the game, flash a fake FBI card. Demand to see his
> army list.
>
> 56. Bring a water pistol. Squirt him in the back every time he turns
> away. Claim it was raining.
>
> 57. Dress up in a suit. Bring a pointer and a big map. Give a weather
> report before the game. Predict sunny
> weather. Surreptiously pour a bucket of water on the table when he's not
> looking. If he asks for an explanation,
> explain that "nobody's perfect".
>
> 58. Toss a bucket of water over his undead. Look worried when nothing
> especially unexpected happens
> <except maybe for the table owner to walk up.>. Mutter about the
> declining standards of holy water. Try garlic.
> If that doesn't work, throw on a steak.
>
> 59. Bring a fire danger chart. Set it to "extreme". Wear a "smokey the
> bear" cap. Refuse to let him use fiery
> convocation. Pour a bucket of water on the board if he does.
>
> 60. Pour a bucket of water on the table. Look down on your miniatures
> and yell, "sink or swim, you lazy *&^%".
>
> 61. Pour a bucket of the water. Claim it was necessary in terraforming
> the planet.
>
> 62. Bring a whiteboard and a texta. Give all your miniatures a briefing
> before the game. Get them all in a circle
> and yell out repeatedly "psyche! psyche! psyche!".
>
> 63. Bring cheerleader models. Place on the side of the table. Bring a
> tape of chants- 5,6,7,8 who do we
> appreciate?
>
> 64. Plunk a computer on the table. Explain that your mate "Deep Blue" is
> standing in for you.
>
> 65. Roll out a wooden trojan horse, but nothing else. Wait expectantly.
>
> 66. Dedicate the game to your "beloved late last opponent." Sharpen your
> teeth. Grin.
>
> 67. Ask your opponent for a building permit before he places any huts.
>
> 68. Wear a sponsorship shirt- "Ashur Inc". If possible, be part of a
> team.
>
> 69. Apologize, but explain that your troops are on strike. Refuse to
> play unless he pays for their pay rise.
>
> 70. Explain that all your miniatures have a 1+ save, as they are made of
> "white metal".
>
> 71. Charge him a parking ticket for his chariot.
>
> 72. Paint all your miniatures in football uniforms. Bring a little
> football. When you see all his miniatures with
> weapons, ask "Isn't this the Campbell memorial football stadium?".
>
> 73. Come into the room screaming "they're alive! they're alive!" with
> goblin spearmen rammed into your skin all
> along your arms.
>
> 74. Make him draw a pentagram, chant and sprinkle incense before you let
> him place his Greater Daemon.
>
> 75. Look at his goblins for a long time. Make allusions to the fact that
> they all look exactly the same. Warn about
> inbreeding.
>
> 76. Bring a little whistle. When he kills one of your miniatures, blow
> it and gesture your way. Explain that he was
> "off-side".
>
> 77. When he fires a cannonball, ask him if he will let you make a 4+
> "catch and throw back" roll.
>
> 78. Slap him with a public indecency suit when he places his witch elves
> on the board.
>
> 79. Offer him some "squig beer". Make sure that it is green.
>
> 80. Speak in rhyming couplets. "Oh it shall be as thus/you save on a 4
> plus"
>
> 81. If asked to guess a range, guess in nanometres. Measure it out on
> your specially designed tape.
>
> 82. When you activate the Black Gem of Gnar, start singing, "This is the
> challenge that never ends, it just goes
> on and on my friends." Stop and look surprised when the effects wear
> off.
>
> 83. Bring an apprentice model for one of your characters. When he
> attacks, exclaim, "No, no, no, not like that!
> Repeat after me: I will not swing my sword in anything less than a 45
> degree arc, I will not swing my sword."
>
> 84. Ask where it says you can't use your orbital phaser cannon. Repeat
> in turn for: gargant, selective volcano,
> life-sized cannon, mad attack kitten, doom-diver carrying a neutron
> bomb, rat-sac, etc.
>
> 85. Put a little conductor figure out the front of your deployment zone,
> complete with music stand and tails. Tap
> your range ruler on the edge of the board. "1,2,1,2,3,4". Quickly switch
> on a tape of the Philadelphia harmonic
> choir as you gesture wildly with your range ruler. After four seconds,
> have the tape click and end. Drop the ruler
> and look embarrassed.
>
> 86. As soon as he kills one of your models, put on a police cap and
> switch on a police siren. Stroll up to your
> opponent. Fake a yorkshire accent. "Allo, allo, allo, what do we have
> here then?" Pick up his general. "He's the
> brains of the operation, is he then?" Turn to the original model. Pick
> him up and read him his rights. Arrest his
> army for grievous bodily harm.
>
> 87. Ask his wardancers where they got the kinky gear. Wink seductively.
>
> 88. Hide under the table. Use -ventriloqui- -Ventriloquiy- throwing your
> voice to project your voice onto your
> general model.
>
> 89. Calculate the angles of elevation given the wind resistance, escape
> velocity and the aerodynamics of the
> projectile before firing his cannon.
>
> 90. Give the post-modernist influences on your painting style. Critique
> his.
>
> 91. Put little red curtains along your deployment zone boundaries.
> Begin, "May I present." and pull them back
> dramatically. Reveal an empty stage. Look around nervously and repeat
> your line a little louder. Close the
> curtains again. Repeat.
>
> 92. Trip his giant.
>
> 93. Run an electric current through your fence.
>
> 94. Bring a 600 page bound book with big letters on the front "FAQ". Lay
> it on the ground facing England and
> worship it. Prop up a little framed picture of Tuomas Pirinen next to
> it. Demand your opponent join you in a
> prayer small prayer session to Him.
>
> 95. Demand he right the gender and racial inequalities in his army.
>
> 96. Stand on the board. If he says anything, explain that your army has
> transcended this world and has risen to
> the spiritual plane. Explain that you are their physical medium and must
> fight on their behalf. Look down at his
> army and laugh.
>
> 97. Write a ballad about the battle.
>
> 98. When the game is in full swing, get a friend to bring over a UFO
> model. Have it hover over the board.
> Abduct his army. When it is all over, deny everything. Make sure your
> watch has 'lost' six minutes.
>
> 99. Bring a little coffee mug in the shape of the cauldron of blood.
>
> 100. Bring a real elastic band for your doom diver. Why stop at
> _throwing_ miniatures?
>
> 101. Read the above out before the game
>
>
>
>
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Received on Fri Aug 16 2002 - 12:51:11 UTC