[Epic] Fw: A fluffy trifle

From: Geoff Kemp <geoffkemp_at_...>
Date: Tue, 22 Sep 1998 09:44:16 +0100

This is just a quick example of the sort of stuff that appears on the 40K
list

Geoff Kemp
         On the Eighth day God Created the TCP/IP protocol...

geoffkemp_at_...


-----Original Message-----
From: Mike Schwitzgebel <mschwitz_at_...>
To: 40k list <40k-list_at_...>
Date: 21 September 1998 21:36
Subject: A fluffy trifle


>
> "Okay, Lucy," Ray muttered to himself. "Up and at 'em."
> Techmarine Raymond Orville Vaque allowed himself a tight smile of
>satisfaction, as his ministrations were gradually rewarded by the myriad
small
>ticking, whirring, thunking sounds of a dreadnought powering up from
standby.
> "Vlllllllllt hnn grhgghhh--"
> "Hey!" the techmarine shouted, rapping a force spanner against the
cyborg's
>hull. "Calibrate the voice processors, buddy. How many times do I--"
> BLAAAAAT!!
> Ray jumped as Lucifer sounded the gleaming air horns that had been a gift
from
>the men of Cleansing Flames' 2nd Company, a few birthdays past. Within the
>steel and concrete confines of the Dread Shed (as the dreadnought barn was
>affectionately known), the din was deafening.
> "Mind the finish, Nancy," Lucifer warned, his momentary vocal glitch
resolved.
> The synthesised voice somehow managed to sound, at once, coldly metallic
and
>amused.
> "Yeahyeah," Ray growled, "good morning to you, too. Look, we finished
>repacking your knee joints, yesterday. I need you to move around on them a
bit
>so we can make sure they're right. Okay?"
> Several long moments passed as the dreadnought seemed to consider the
request.
> Then, he slowly raised one foot off the concrete floor and stood balanced
on
>the other, like one of those trained circus elephants he'd once seen in an
old
>holovid. This would get Brother Ray's hearts pounding.
> The techmarine rolled his eyes and grimaced.
> "If you fall and break a leg..."
> "...don't come running to me," the dreadnought finished. "Not bad, but
don't
>let the Inquisition catch you unclenching like that."
> "Do you mind? Can't we just get on with it?"
> Lucifer lowered his foot and took a few tentative steps. He moved with a
>deceptive grace which, despite his immense bulk, was belied only by
>transmission of the impacts through the floor. Satisfied, he strode a
short
>distance and back, the thud of his footfalls echoing slightly in the
cavernous
>barn. He backed into his docking bay and stood flexing his refurbished
knee
>joints in an unlikely parody of knee bends.
> "Thanks, Doc. That's much better."
> "I should think so. You must have got a couple kilos of that black
Elyrian
>sand in the old joints. Bloody things were ground down to .936 of proper
>spec."
> "What can I say?" Lucifer said, swinging his power fist in an instinctive
>gesture that had survived his several centuries as a dreadnought, not to
>mention the pleas of his brother marines. "Sand and sun. I needed to work
on
>my tan."
> Waiting for a response from Brother Ray, but receiving none, Lucifer
>explained, "It's a joke. Needed to work on my tan... get it?
> Ray crossed his arms and just stared at his recalcitrant charge. Lucifer
was
>something of an oddity among dreadnoughts, in that he had retained much of
his
>personality and mental vigor, long past the point at which most began to
lose
>interest in the world around them. Within the dreadnought's sarcophagus
was
>encased the broken, withered husk of a seven hundred and something year old
>space marine, and within that husk still thrived most of the best parts of
>Brother Bob Hoskins. Ray tried not to think about it too much, because he
just
>couldn't reconcile the atrocious puns and lewd limericks with the ruined
body
>that lay within.
> To the amazement of the Adeptus Mechanicus, Lucifer clung tenaciously to
his
>relationships with his brother marines--more than a few of whom secretly
feared
>him. His concern over the state of his consciousness was fanatic,
prompting
>him to frequently ask, "How do I seem today?" In truth, Ray rather enjoyed
the
>notoriety of his assignment to this roguish cyborg, but there were times
when
>his unusual exuberance got in the way.
> Sobered by the techmarine's mood, Lucifer switched gears.
> "How long has it been, this time?
> Ray tapped a few keys on his pad, consulting the maintenance records.
"Almost
>a year."
> "Something's bothering you. You didn't bring me up just so I could
stretch my
>legs, did you?"
> "No." Against all logic, it was Hoskins' eyes Ray felt burning into him
from
>behind the dreadnought's visual sensors. "We've received orders. 2nd
>Company's shipping out, ASAP, to put down an Ork incursion on Corelli VI.
>You're going."
> Lucifer inclined his upper torso slightly, which Ray knew to be a nod.
> "Well then, best get me strapped and packed," came Lucifer's reply. "It's
not
>like my social calendar is full."
> Giving the sarcophagus an affectionate slap, Ray nodded and began his
>checkout.
> "So... this Blood Claw walks into a pub with a sheep under one arm, and
>a--stop me if you've heard this one..."
>
>
Received on Tue Sep 22 1998 - 08:44:16 UTC